From Broken to Beautiful: Your Guide to Post-Traumatic Growth
Growing through hard things is up to you. I know that sounds harsh, but stay with me.
While going through difficult times is non-negotiable (ugh, I know, I hate this reality too), how we grow through them is where our power lies.
I learned this lesson the hard way, and it's something I now share with my own teenagers: "Life is hard. It doesn't play fair. Things can turn on a dime. No one's watching out for you but you and us and a few other people. Learn to watch out for yourself by being a good parent to yourself."
The Four Pillars of Growth
Here's what I tell my kids (and my clients) about navigating life's storms:
1. Mind Your P's and Q's
Take care of your foundations first:
Finances
Health
Relationships
Learning
Spiritual things
These are YOURS to manage. Yes, sometimes you'll need help (believe me, I know), but ultimately, they're your responsibility.
2. Expect What You Give
Life doesn't owe you anything. You're special (you are!), but you're not entitled to special treatment. Any expectations about being treated a certain way should stem from how you treat others. And even then, have a backup plan in case the people you’re dealing with don’t share your values and give reciprocal treatment.
3. Hard Work is Its Own Reward
Find satisfaction in doing good, responsible work:
At home with your family
At work with your teams
In your community
In the world
4. Lift as You Rise
A rising tide raises all ships. Be generous with your success and help others find the right support, even if it's not you. This creates what I call the "virtuous cycle" – when people receive help, they naturally want to pass it forward.
Expert Insights on Building Resilience
Kathy Purdy, LMFT, our Epic Comeback clinical advisor, offers powerful strategies for finding strength in adversity:
1. Practice Radical Acceptance
In Kathy's words: "You've been through a huge loss. Take a deep breath, my friend. I'm so sorry this happened. It's okay to not be okay right now. You are going to get through this... one step at a time."
Acceptance doesn't mean we're okay with what happened. It simply means "it is what it is" – acknowledging that this terrible thing did happen and these complex feelings you're feeling are real.
2. The Turtle Approach
Kathy suggests thinking of yourself as a turtle: "Sometimes you may need to 'armor up' with your hard outer shell, engaging in problem solving, logic, activity and strength, while other times may call for 'going inside' and retreating to soften, rest, and experience sorrow, grief, and tears."
Some days you'll feel fierce and ready to:
Call the insurance company
Fight for benefits
Hire the attorney
Schedule the test
Other days you'll need to lie in bed and cry. Both are necessary for healing.
3. Break It Down
As Kathy explains: "Create a 'to-do' list and break down larger tasks into smaller bite-size tasks that can be done easily. This will help you avoid overwhelm and give you a sense of accomplishment."
Remember: All those things you need to do cannot be done today. Start with:
Getting out of bed
Eating something
Taking a walk
Making one phone call
4. Embrace Hygge
Kathy introduces us to this Danish concept of creating comfort in dark times: "For hundreds of years the Danish people have understood the importance of creating physical comfort and safety to improve well-being during their long harsh winters."
Be extravagant with self-care:
Wrap yourself in a cozy blanket
Savor the warmth of tea
Rub cream into your hands
Notice small comforts
The Go-Try-Fail-Grow Formula
Here's what resilience really looks like:
GO find things that challenge you
Give those things a real TRY
FAIL at some things (it's how we learn)
Use that failure to GROW stronger
Your Epic Comeback Journey
At Epic Comeback, we exist to help people turn their trauma into transformation. We offer:
Weekly resilience-building groups
One-on-one navigation support
The Glass House retreats for survivors
Tools for post-traumatic growth
Because here's what I know for sure: when the ass-kicking that life gives us is over, we usually want to help other people avoid staying down too long after their beat-down happens. There's just something about being a good Samaritan that innately calls out to us.
Your Next Steps
1. Practice radical acceptance of where you are today
2. Choose one small task to accomplish
3. Create one moment of comfort for yourself
4. Reach out for support
Remember: You don't have to do this alone. You don't have to be strong alone. Whether it's friends, family, a therapist, or our Epic Comeback community – support is available.
With hope and determination,
Cindy
P.S. When everything feels overwhelming, remember this: we're all part of that giant pay-it-forward system of stumble-lift-rise together. We're better together. Always.
